So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
