You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
