My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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