can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
