When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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