he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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