Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
