How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
