OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think i got beer on your cat.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
