I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
