Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
