Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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