Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
