who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
