I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
