:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
