I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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