Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
