I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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