everyone is single if you try hard enough
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
