just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
