And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
