i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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