one two three fourrrrnication!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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