I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
