i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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