So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My life is pants optional.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
