Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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