you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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