It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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