ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
