do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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