I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
