i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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