When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
