I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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