New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wanna passion pit in your ass
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
