i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
