so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
