We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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