listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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