What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
