she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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