took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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