well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
