i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
