so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
