All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
