In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
