You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
