so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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