Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
