If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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