God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
