you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
